4th September 2023
Hey everyone, first of all, I want to apologize for not writing a new blog in so many days. To be honest, I've been extremely busy with my college work and personal life 🙄. For those of you who are new here and don't know me yet 😂, I can confidently say that I'm one of the busiest people on this planet 💀. Between attending college, working on assignments, preparing for exams, and studying, my schedule has been packed. I hope you all understand why I'm writing this blog so late these days. Today, I'm here to share what has happened in my life from September 4th until now. I hope you're excited to hear my story.
Starting from September 4th, I woke up at 6:00 AM, had a bath, and as usual, you guys know I don't like to have breakfast, so I skipped it and headed to college. Today, we had a practice session for our play, which we're going to perform at the grand opening ceremony of our Information Technology club on September 5th. I left for college at 9:00 AM, but I couldn't find a bus until 10:30 AM. I ended up waiting at the bus stop for an hour and a half. Since I had to reach college before 10:00 AM, I texted Di (a senior and the head of the play) to let her know that I would be a little late because I couldn't find a bus.She said, 'Okay.' While waiting for the bus, I ran into a friend I usually go back home with after college, although we rarely go to college together since I arrive early, and he arrives on time. But that's a different topic to discuss; we can talk about it later. I reached college at 11:00 AM and met Di. She was busy writing the script for our play. We have five characters in our play, so we needed to figure out how they would fit into the performance. Di had brought four characters, and I had brought the last character, who was playing the role of a wife. Di wanted to meet him, so I called him and asked him to come.
He replied that he had just finished his practical and would be there in a second. I said, 'Okay,' and hung up the call. Then, I continued discussing the play with Di. After a few minutes, he arrived and met with Di. We explained the entire story of the play and how it would be carried out. He mentioned that he had already been briefed about the play and his character, and he was okay with it. He mentioned that he had a math lecture, and I also had my lecture, so we both informed Di about it. She suggested that we go attend our lectures and instructed him to practice at home. She assured us that she would oversee the practice session with others for now. We agreed and left the practice area. On September 5th, before the event, we planned to have one more practice session.
After Di left, I went to my class, and he went to his. We had lectures from 11:35 AM until 4:55 PM. After the lectures, I called my sister to check if she needed any help since my lectures were over. She said she didn't need help at the moment and told me I could go back home. I said okay, and after saying goodbye, I hung up the call. When I reached home, I finally had a chance to eat something since I had been hungry since morning and i had some rest Suddenly, di called and explained how everything would work on the event day. She also mentioned some things that I needed to bring for the play. These items were essential for our performance. After hearing her instructions, I began arranging everything she had asked for and packed all the necessary items required for our play. I also attended to my remaining tasks. Additionally, di, informed me that we were required to wear traditional attire for the event, specifically 'kurta'.
So, I prepared my kurta and went to sleep. Some of you might wonder why I don't have dinner. Honestly, when I have something to eat after coming back from college, I usually skip dinner because I often arrive home around 6:00 PM. Instead, I go to bed early to ensure a good night's sleep and wake up early in the morning since I need to reach college by 7:15 AM.
On September 5th, 2023, I woke up at 5:00 AM, filled with excitement for the club opening ceremony and Teacher's Day. I got ready and packed my kurta in my bag to change into it at college.And as usual, I skipped breakfast and headed towards college because I wanted to arrive early and set up the microphone and other equipment for the event. On my way to college, I purchased a rose and chocolates for my crush as a gift, although I wasn't sure how to give it to him. I concealed the items in a paper bag to keep them hidden and took an autorickshaw to reach college by around 7:20 AM. Once I arrived at college, I found an empty classroom where I could take a short break and placed my gift for my crush there. The bag I was carrying was quite heavy. And after searching, I found a classroom where I placed my bag and my gift for my crush. Then, I called my sister and informed her that I had arrived at college. She told me she would be there in a few minutes and suggested that I go and see a teacher who might have a microphone. She mentioned that he would be in the IT building. I said, 'Okay,' and hurried towards the IT building. However, when I reached the staff room, I didn't find him. Instead, I encountered other teachers and staff members. I asked them about the teacher I was looking for, and they informed me that he had not yet arrived.
So, I called Di and informed her about the situation. She advised me to check again after some time, and I agreed, saying, 'Okay, sis.' I returned to that classroom, sat down, and found myself lost in thoughts about my crush, which made me feel happy 🤗.
After a while, I changed my clothes, and when I came back to the classroom, I received a message from one of the actors who was supposed to play the role of a wife in the play. He messaged me, saying that he couldn't come to college because he had a test in his other classes, which meant he couldn't participate in the play. In the end, he left us without a replacement.
I told him, 'I will call you after talking to di.' Then, I went to the IT building to find the sir, but once again, I couldn't locate him. On my way back, I saw di approaching from the other side. She asked me about the sir, and I informed her that not only was the sir not coming, but also the actor who was supposed to play the role of the wife wouldn't make it because he had a test today, and he just informed me. Di was shocked and mentioned how it always seemed to happen when she planned plays – someone would eventually drop out. I suggested that one of my classmates was interested in playing a role in our play, and di told me to call her.
When I called her, I realized she was sitting nearby, so I introduced her to di. I explained the story to her, and she immediately agreed to play a role in our play. This was a huge relief for us at that moment.
We then went to a classroom on the third floor to see what was happening. Our main task was to find three microphones for our play since we only had one. As we reached the floor, I noticed many seniors who were working diligently to manage the entire event. I salute their dedication and determination in organizing such a fantastic grand opening. When I arrived at the classroom where the event was going to be held, I saw everyone busy with their tasks; no one was free. It was evident that everyone had their responsibilities to complete. This atmosphere inspired me to focus on our own tasks and our lives rather than dwelling on negative thoughts and other concerns.
I took my seat, placed my bag beside me, and my sister and I left the classroom to search for a microphone, which was a pressing need for our play. We made our way to the IT building, where we encountered a teacher who agreed to lend us her microphone.Afterward, we went to our vice principal to request the key for the podium, which we thought might have the microphone we needed. Unfortunately, we couldn't locate her, so we returned to our classroom.
It was past 11:00 AM, and it was time to call everyone who was participating in the play for one final practice session. I tried calling my classmate, and my call reached the remaining participants to come into the class immediately. However, my classmate and the class representative (CR) had gone to buy a gift for a teacher as part of Teacher's Day preparations, which we had discussed earlier on the ground before I went to the third floor of the building. We had planned to buy something special to make our teacher happy on Teacher's Day, but we weren't sure what to buy. Instead of discussing it further, some of us decided to go to the market and see what good options were available there. We intended to purchase flowers and a cake for our teacher.
When I called her, she was on her way to the market, so I informed her that di was calling her and that she needed to come because we had to practice our play one last time before the event started. She agreed to join us after some time, and I relayed this information to di. After some time, when she arrived, we headed to the 4th floor of our college building, which was an empty space where we could practice our play. The classroom that had been empty earlier was now filled with first-year students and seniors, as the seniors were teaching the first-year students due to Teacher's Day celebrations. We positioned ourselves on the staircase of the third floor, which served as the starting point for the fourth floor. That's where we began our play practice. However, as we got started, it didn't quite go the way we had intended.Because the person who was playing the role of the shopkeeper wasn't able to portray the character properly or convey the shopkeeper's emotions effectively, we decided to replace him. One of my classmates was present, and he had a better grasp of the shopkeeper's role, so we asked him to take over. Once he joined, our play practice started going remarkably well.
However, just as things were going smoothly, I received a call from my crush. He informed me that he was heading back home and waiting for me at the lower level of the building, near the cash counter. I told him to wait for me, and I rushed over to where he was waiting. I finally gave him the gift that I had been trying to give him since the morning. To be honest, I had called him ten times earlier in the morning, trying to give him the gift. I wasn't sure how to give it to him, and I worried that he might leave without telling me he was going back home. So, I kept calling him repeatedly, with intervals of 10 to 20 minutes, and sent him numerous text messages.
I understood that he was busy with Teacher's Day celebrations in his class that he was managing, and he couldn't reply. However, I was extremely nervous about giving him the gift because it was the first time I had ever given something to someone, especially someone I had started to develop feelings for. After I gave him the gift, I mentioned that I had to leave because the event was taking place on the floor. He replied that he couldn't accept the gift because I was leaving quickly without waiting for him. I said, 'Okay, wait a moment,' and tried to explain that I had a play to manage, but he seemed okay with me leaving, which made me feel bad.
I told him, 'Okay, I will wait for you,' and we went to the library together. There, I called di and informed her that I was in the library and available to help if she needed anything. She replied, 'Okay, you'll be there; I'm going to get a glass and a plate.' I said, 'Okay'.
Later on, my crush's friend came over, and they started talking, which made me feel a little awkward. I decided to step out from the library, saying, 'Goodbye, I have to go; there's an event.' I wasn't sure if leaving was the right or wrong thing to do, but seeing him engrossed in conversation and playing games with his friend made me feel less important in his presence.
I followed her advice and went to the podium, but the staff members weren't sure which battery the microphone needed. They asked me to pick up the microphone, and as I was on my way, Di, called to inform me that she was bringing the microphone to the staff room. She instructed me to return to the third floor and check how to fit the microphone on the actor who would be using it. When I reached the floor, we checked if it was fitting properly, which it was.
In just 15 minutes, I would begin the grand opening of our Information Technology club. Teachers and guests started arriving in the classroom, and the event officially started at 1 o'clock. The seniors welcomed the guests and the teachers, and after lighting the ceremonial lamp (diya prajwalit), our vice principal delivered a wonderful speech. After some time, she left to attend a meeting with the other teachers who were present.
The event began as planned, with two activities in mind. The first was to brainstorm and come up with ideas related to new technology or emerging technologies that will impact our society. The second activity was to perform a play. While Di began giving a speech and explaining how to write and draw their ideas on paper, mentioning that the best idea would receive a prize at the end of the event, I took all the participants who were going to perform in the play outside the classroom for one final practice session and their makeovers.
We moved to the second classroom adjacent to where the event was taking place to rehearse how we were going to perform the play. In no time, our play began, and every single line was delivered amazingly. The play turned out to be fantastic, and at the end, my sister delivered a narration that was truly unforgettable, something I still remember vividly.
Following the play, we had a prize distribution for those who had written remarkable ideas about future technology that could benefit society. After the prize distribution, the event came to an end. We had planned to celebrate Teacher's Day in our classroom after the IT club opening, scheduled for 3:30. With plenty of time in between, we relaxed in the classroom. That's when the class representative (CR) approached me and informed me that I needed to prepare a speech to deliver on Teacher's Day. I agreed with him and told him, 'Okay, I will prepare a speech.' I started working on my speech, but later, I found out that someone else was also preparing one. So, I decided to let her handle the speech, and I stepped back from that responsibility.
After the speech and cake-cutting ceremony, the Teacher's Day celebration was fantastic. Everyone was happy, including the teachers. We took lots of pictures with the teachers, which made me happy. It was a joyous day, and as we headed back home, I received a call from my crush. He informed me that he was in the seminar hall, preparing for his performance. He invited me to join and watch his performance in the seminar hall. My friend, whom I had a huge crush on (you'll understand why I say 'had' later in the story), was actually participating in the Janmashtami celebration, where he had a dance performance.
As he was practicing his dance, he invited me to see how he was doing. So, I told my friends that I wouldn't be joining them today because I had to go somewhere. At first, they were angry, but eventually, they reluctantly said, 'Okay.' I rushed to the seminar hall to see my crush, and it made me feel incredibly happy 😁. I was so thrilled at that moment; words can't describe it.
However, I received a call from my friends, the ones I had left behind by saying I wouldn't join them today. They were upset with me and asked why I was doing this to them. It made me feel bad for them. I explained to my crush that my friends were upset because I had left them and now they were waiting for me. He listened and said, 'You should go with your friends,' but I could tell he was also a bit sad.
I could sense his sadness in his voice, and I felt so confused about what to do. I wanted to watch his practice performance, but I didn't want to upset my friends. Then, suddenly, something from the TV show 'Friends' came to mind: 'Boyfriends and girlfriends may come and go, but these friends will be forever,' a quote by Phoebe Buffay.
I apologized to my crush and explained that I had to leave. I left with a heavy heart, feeling torn between wanting to see his performance and not wanting to disappoint my friends. I rushed to meet my friends and messaged my crush to say sorry for not being able to spend more time with him. I don't know exactly how he felt at that time, but I was feeling very sad. I even raised my voice at my friends, saying, 'Because of you guys, I had to leave my friend behind over there.'
I decided to let it be and went to the bus stop, eventually reaching back home. Once again, I apologized to him because I couldn't attend his performance, which left me feeling sad. I wondered if he felt the same way, but I still didn't know his true feelings.
He assured me that he wasn't angry or upset with me at all, and he even sent me an invitation for the Janmashtami event on September 6th, where he would be performing. He kindly invited me to attend. However, around the same time, I received my official class schedule, which showed that I had a lecture during his performance. I explained this to him, and he responded with kindness, saying it was perfectly okay if I couldn't attend due to my lecture. He even offered to share the video of his performance with me, which made me feel happy and grateful that someone so understanding truly exists.
But During my break, I thought I would attend his event at the scheduled time. However, on the next day when he had the event where he was going to perform, I had a practical session. I arrived at the college at 7:15 am and headed to an IT lab. My plan was to meet him after the practical session because he had mentioned that I should meet him before his event started.
After the practical, which concluded at 11:00 am…
I called and texted him, and after some effort, he answered the call and informed me that he was in room number 206. I was on the same floor, so I hurried over to see him. When I saw him, it filled me with happiness 🤗. He was taking pictures with his friends, and I didn't want to disturb him.
At first, I waited for some time, but I eventually had to go to my class because I had a lecture. So, I called him one last time, and luckily, he picked up. I told him that I was going to my class due to my lecture. He rushed to the door to meet me, and we had a brief conversation there. During our conversation, he mentioned that if I could, I should come and see his performance. I asked him about the time slot for his performance, and he mentioned that he didn't know yet. I told him that I had a break in between my classes, so I would try to come. He said okay, and I left him there.
After my lecture, which ended at 1:30, I went to the seminar hall to check if his event had started yet. Coincidentally, I saw him in the room where the participants were getting ready.
When I reached the seminar hall, it seemed that his time slot had not started yet. So, I texted him that I wouldn't be going into the seminar hall because it was completely full, and I was feeling a bit shy 😂😂. He replied with an 'okay.'
I informed him that I had another lecture to attend, and the break time was over. So, I started making my way to my class. However, as soon as I reached my class, I received a message from the teacher saying that our class would be held in the IT building itself, on the second floor. I rushed to the IT building, and we had a lecture until 3 o'clock.
As I was coming down from the second floor after the lecture, I noticed people leaving from the seventh floor, which meant the event was over. It made me feel a bit sad that I couldn't watch his performance. So, I called him, and he answered. He told me he was in the dressing room, so I went to check it out, and there he was. He asked if we could take some pictures together.
At first, I tried to decline because I was feeling extremely shy about taking a picture with him. He's one of the cutest guys I've ever met in my entire life. However, I eventually agreed and allowed him to take a few pictures with me. We ended up taking two or three pictures together.
After that, I told him I had to leave because I was feeling really nervous and shy. Whenever I saw him, my nerves got the best of me, and I started to avoid him. I hoped he understood my feelings. He asked me why I was leaving so soon, saying, 'You just arrived.' But I insisted that I had to go to meet my friends.
Then, suddenly, one of his friends came over… She said something to him that I couldn't hear, which made him agree that I could leave. We had a brief chit-chat, and then I bid him farewell. Playfully, I teased him, saying that he wanted me to leave because he had something up his sleeve. He responded, 'No, you're the one who has to meet your friend.' I assured him that I wasn't that stubborn and left with a goodbye.
I hurried to meet my friend, but I encountered another friend who unexpectedly started talking to me in a rude manner. This left me feeling like he didn't want to be part of my friend group anymore. I decided to ignore him and went to the library.
While in the library, I learned that my crush was still in the college and was taking pictures in the new building. I rushed over there, called him to ask where he was, and he told me he was in the new building. Upon arrival, I found his friend, but he wasn't there because he had left through the second gate… He called me again and asked where I was. I replied that I was at the new building and asked him where he was. He told me he was at the second gate, which is at the back side of our college. I instructed him to wait there as I was on my way.
When I arrived, he was standing there like a cute teddy bear. We walked together until my bus stop, where he left me. He had to catch a train, and I had to take the bus.
After getting on the bus, I reached home and texted him. We had a late-night chat… On September 7th, 2023, we had a holiday due to the Gopal Kala festival. The day was quite ordinary, nothing special happened during the day. However, something did happen at night that left me shocked and in tears. I cried the entire night.
My crush had a habit of mentioning two specific people all the time. He talked about 'him' and 'her' constantly, and it made me feel frustrated, angry, and jealous because I wanted him to mention me instead. So, in my foolishness, I asked him directly if he was trying to toy with my feelings. At first, he denied it, asking why he would play with my feelings like a toy. Then, he told me I was overthinking and getting upset for no reason…
He said once again that I just trying to think him as my friend and that I should stop overthinking. Hearing those words made me cry, and I couldn't quite explain why. I felt a deep connection with him, and I had hoped that he might become my boyfriend in the near future. However, when he mentioned 'him' and 'her' all the time, it left me feeling incredibly sad.
I began to overthink to an extent that I convinced myself that no one loved me, that no one cared about me. I felt that whenever I shared my feelings with someone, they would just betray me and disregard the emotions I poured out. These thoughts consumed me, and I cried the whole night..
I told him 'goodnight,' and I replied with 'Okay, I understand, bye' because I didn't know what else to say to him. I was overwhelmed with emotions.
The next morning, I woke up at 6 o'clock, even though I didn't have to. My lecture was scheduled for 11:35, so there was no need to wake up so early. However, I woke up feeling unwell, with a severe headache and nausea. After a few minutes, I vomited twice within a half-hour interval..
I had a high fever at that time, and my body was in so much pain that I can't even explain it. I felt like I might die. At the same time, I was overthinking what had happened the previous night, and I even had thoughts of wanting to remove my brain and throw it out of the window because I couldn't stop overthinking. I couldn't sleep due to all these thoughts and emotions. So, I confided in my sister and explained everything that was happening to me. She advised me not to go to college, but I refused, saying that I had to submit my assignment.
I headed towards the college at 10 o'clock because by that time, I started feeling a bit better. While at college, around 4 o'clock, I texted my crush. We had a chat, and he mentioned something that I didn't quite understand. He told me to think of him just as a friend, emphasizing that 'friend' and 'just friends' are different things. I was puzzled because, in the end, both sentences seemed to convey the same meaning. I asked him to explain the difference because his words from the previous night had caused me to overthink.
He replied with 'leave it.' So, I texted a friend to ask for the same meaning, and she said that both 'think of him as a friend' and 'just friends' have the same meaning. As the day came to a close, I didn't want to dwell on what had happened. This is my perspective on the story, and maybe he has a different interpretation. Perhaps he was trying to convey something I didn't fully grasp, so I won't delve deeper into this story.
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